i want to stop struggling and just live. i'm so tired and bored with the struggle. i saw a film about a co-op in mexico in the cloud forest that was struggling but to plant seeds and trees and live in harmony with the land. the map of mexico was turned from green to white waste and this one area was gradually turning back. the feeling was tenuous, but the struggle for as long as it lasts feels vital. if i can do something like that with my psyche, to restore the cloud forest of my soul.