the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because the smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. the one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers most: and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all. it is his own existence, his own being, that is at once the subject and the source of his pain, and his very existence and consciousness is his greatest torture. 

thomas merton



thanks for this from r. via mr.katz. 
his was the only blog i read but i got crossed wires with him and stopped reading. it has happened often. it's remarkable how i seek conflict in some places and in others i shrink into myself and get angry and shut down. maybe i seek to avoid, or something. when i get confused i go blank in a thicket, and can't get out. the time when i'm most reactive and in a way least engaged, in thoughtfulness and feeling, is in conflict. i think the inner conflict needs to be engaged, in a healthy way, not in harmful emotional conflict, but with humble attention and love. the old saw that love conquers all is wrong. love accepts, love embraces all.