after all the holiday ghosts pass. they don't pass. but i still want to make a pause between thanksgiving and xmas which is only natural, the winter solstice and my birthday too. i deserve my own holiday, and i don't even mind if my birthday quietly passes like the light of the shortest day. i was sent away by divorce decree for patriarchal holiday too often. i know i'm a grownup now and i don't have to be sent away. but trauma makes it like the nine year old kid still cowers (and kicks) inside.