another intense thing. i met my friend, the lady with the nightstick, sitting in the sun. she told me she went to texas because her her nephew killed himself. there was more to it. he was such a smart kid. we talked about pressure. his dad's a cop. we talked about the pressure in the world today, how it affects some, how it affects everyone. how it makes some of us fatalities. the mystery of it. there's no mystery about the way we treat each other en masse and en famille, individually, and the common ground we share. yet it is a mystery. it affects us differently. i'm glad she told me. i say it. how we have to get out here in the air and the light and let our thoughts and griefs move with us, and rest in the sun. so i tell her about my apartment and they way a death made my life as it is a possibility. it's a story, i say, it isn't like a story. it is a story.