gmorn d.
ugh, tain.

tain- yes. feel
tainted.

we need spring
rain but i know 
what you mean. 
feels the same to
me. all weather
seems tainted
mow.

***

i feel kinda disingenuous when i say, has it always been this way?
i know it has, in a way, yet i ask myself the question, almost rhetorically
when i look in the mirror. i see the changes in me. i've always been old. but obviously, i'm getting older. it hasn't always been this way. i've always been scared of people, of the world, but i know it wasn't always this way. i ask sincerely, knowing, it might have been different, it might have been another way. is that disingenuous? i don't think so. every child i think knows it didn't have to be this way. 
when i made that collage with the wispy 19th c. parchment letters, on a 1960's kitschy plaque with three bluebirds, one of them saying has it always been this way? i meant it, and i meant it as a bluebird, an illustrated bluebird on a plaque with no words, i thought the birds should have the words to say, what i want, i truly want to know, what the bird seems to me to say. and the other birds sit there on the same branch, looking at the word-bird fondly, indulgently, like the bird says the same words every day, with a slightly different inflection, in a tender, touching way.