before i was haunted by the vague feeling of having a parallel life i wasn't living, or that was being lived without me, yet it was my life too, somehow my real life, but now i feel like truly i'm living my real life and it's tangible and not as vague as the sense of the parallel existence, yet it's mysterious as well, like the life i've been given is a mystery life, yet part of the mysterious nature is that it's ordinary. it's normal no matter how strange the circumstances, and the circumstances are increasingly strange, but not strange like stranger, just as strange as they are—normal—whatever happens. this is ordinary life. that's what's so strange about it. it's like before the parallel life incorporated, a ghostly life inhabited, embodied. life in a body, so strange, this body of continual change that stays in some infinite way the same. does this even make a lick of sense? i could have just said i may still have some misgivings, but i'm living my real life, strange as it usually seems.