omg it's 10:43 and i just got back from first walk. the water was blissfully calm. we started out the only ones but then sara and chiara came and then jen and then claud and grace and then another friend whose name escapes me. it was hard to leave. 
i realized that i want to be simple and nothing is simple, even here, swimming in the calm lake. i realize there's always things i leave be that i can't address. i wonder if i can ever be completely honest even with myself. i thank god i'm sober this time. but there are always illusions and delusions and dark places that are hard to access.