the trouble with following the dark news is there's no continuity. i keep getting stuck in this wasteland. the news is so morbidifying. i have to find my own continuity and my own often eludes me. how do i own it. maybe there is none to find, maybe i'm discontinuous, and only force of will creates the illusion of a narrative. there's something going on in me that can't maintain the connection with, as though i'm drifting in place, yet a current is pulling me away from shore. i want to be somehow contiguous with my awareness and the environment yet i'm moving in a kind of dream state in between.