boy am i glad to see you. my bird daisy died and my dog howie turned mean. 
jeezuschristonastick, tragedies! isabelle the cat fell out the thirteenth floor. 
oh shit no kidding. 
yeah but listen you gotta get rid of the prong choke collar, it's just gonna make him angrier and meaner. get a harness and re-socialize that dog! promise me! 
i know she won't. she's a sweetheart, but sheeit, her bird plucked hisself bald! died naked of a nervous breakdown and shame. 
sometimes we love but we don't know how the heck to do it gnome sane.

really?