another thing about the souvenir and i'm sorry i go on so about it it's my preoccupation of the moment i'll stop but i saw my note yesterday about how i have to watch again because it was frightening and nothing was real and at the same time traumatic and acutely real and some things like that we have to return to until we understand or we're satisfied or something else comes along maybe it's all preoccupations in sequence and looping like movies dreams memories.