i got to go out in that cold grim sunless world unless i die i guess i'd rather go into the cold grim sunless world than die i don't want to die in the hard city cold, heavy-lidded, gridded and grim. i want to get to a part of nature i'd like to die in a landscape not made by humans. there's no nature here the trees die of loneliness and poison air, cut off at the feet by chainsaw. jasper is lucky he came in vista homes from the cold grim world and never had to wander it again. he slept between us all night stretched like a grass spider. i had a dream about cocaine- snow, we used to say. i don't want it and i hated it's sickly draw when i did, but i dreamed like a burrowing animal burrowing in snow. snow means death but we have animals to care for and help us in the cold grim sunless world nuzzling and purring and accompanying and calling us into and from the cold waste back to our animal home.