i think my bonk on the nose reminded sarah 3 years ago today was the day she had a bad fall. it reminded me how fast everything can change. i think of that kid getting shot. i think before i could think of the world and how it worked i felt something was wrong but i thought it was me. i think i may need to watch matrix reloaded. there's something wrong, and sinister in the manufactured reality. there's so much more, but we get caught in the matrix again and again, and most of us don't even know it. today the dawn of everything came up in my queue at the library and the co-author who is still alive was on democracy now. he saw the long view, and knew that the matrix extends backward to control the narrative sweep of history in order to keep us captive today. books can open our consciousness. we can learn. the books i got today are, cremation by rafael chirbes, his name was death by rafael bernal, the nick of time by rosmarie waldrop and the dawn of everything by david graeber and david wengrow. i feel dread and futility.