bear was wild today and i think, why is she so wild when she runs by the bike 5 miles in the morning, and i think it's because of the prong collar, and i tried before on her behalf and mine to get that thing put away but when i saw it hanging on the door my heart sank and i knew it was always there, and what i was feeling already, that we have radically different views on how to treat a dog, and he's adamant, that's what he wants to do. it's painfully clear it doesn't work, and makes her both afraid and wild. and he says he likes her wild. how does the prong collar work with the wildness. it punishes. and then with me without the prong collar she feels free and then she gets wild in a manic way and i just realize we have different ways, and now i'm counting down the walks in anticipation as well as sorrow. i just pray it doesn't end in tragedy, yet it already feels tragic to me. i'm just going to take her through the graffiti erasing tunnel and round the graffiti recurring point thirteen more times. and then, and then, i don't know what.