i had a bad dream fell out of bed caught myself and climbed back up couldn't get back to sleep so i read novel 11, book 18, influx and outflow out of balance perhaps woke thinking about the elephant headed boy ganesh and jay mentioning homeostasis, told jay how gma rose rose up before dying to reach the banquet table she couldn't reach but her voice was happy saying i can't reach it it's so beautiful i can't reach i see her little self on tiptoes eyes shining then rose rose out of her body like steam.