can i ever forgive myself what have i done what did i do. i felt lowdown recalling the humiliating time i sold a.h.'s envelope art back to him. we never spoke again. i felt like i was going to really crash then, and inside i did. i was going to crash in the world, and yet i was saved, partly by his purchase of his own art he had gifted to me. leave it!—i say to the dogs daily. i wish i could. anyway i can't help feeling i have something buried in me i could have brought out, it may not have been genius, but it's buried. it'd be one thing to just be hollow, but not living out something that wanted life and was buried before, well, i should be grateful. many people have unrealized potential i'm sure. many are repressed, and suppressed. and some keep rising and rising. and now i feel awful little charlie got hurt because of me. i was supposed to keep her safe.

there are many things we've (some of us) done and do, that we have to live with, and we keep asking forgiveness, but the question is can we ever forgive ourselves.