i feel like he's my son. he looks to me for love and nurture as a boy would look to his father, as i wish i could have looked to my father. if my father was able to nurture me he would have gotten love and nurturing too. instead his legacy was instilled in me as fear of need, and the regard of self-sufficiency as strength, rather than isolation. he left me feeling desolate. i hope i don't do that, yet i fear that may be my fallback mode. i'm thankful i can feel the connection sometimes at least. maybe these times are connecting inside of me and will gradually become my instinctual mode. a lot of us can do with animals what we didn't learn to do with humans. sometimes animals are the opposite of our human experience. i thank the universe for dogs, and i believe i've become a little better human with their help. in decade six i hope while there's still time to be able to do what my father left the world undone.