i think of the shock and trauma in people that doesn't go away when they go away. i wrote about blindness and the two sara/h/s and sara noted i forgot the h on hers and i thought i had trans(penny just knocked off the penny from the counter above the washer where i left it from my pants)posed names. lil sis and incest. i shouldn't go into this. i think of my h. her lis sis and her in bunk beds incested by father alternating nights. for eight years. i was sober when we met and in fact another sarah introduced us. later i thought this will always be there, her father hulking between us. later he crashed drunk and turned himself into a paraplegic and the sisters took turns pushing him around and giving him his straw to suck. i was impressed with how they cared for him and how she still loved him. her mother was more of a ghost. i could not get an image of her. 
i finished a disappearance in damascus, and i'm struck how ahlam the fixer is so vibrant and alive in the place of everyday occupation and terror, and how when she winds up in chicago she really gets depressed and breaks down. her life was under threat every day in iraq and then syria but she kept working, helping people. when the life threat was far away and she just had to survive in america she grew listless and succumbed to despair.
ah, it's a jumble again, my fault, i could try...but i have to go poop and walk the dog.
i wonder where my holly is. 
i think about how you can care a lot but not be able in the end to do anything but look and listen. and love perhaps. 
i should add to the jumble context my own tale about uncle mike. my dad had absconded at some point and then disappeared, well left, and at 13 i discovered uncle mike. i went on a journey my summer vacation to canada and before we even reached the tiny island he started a sexual massage on me in thumper, his vw microbus. i reacted violently and that ended the contact though i was stuck on the island for the next three months because i couldn't tell mom. 
so i had the shared history of incest and found relatives in girls along the way. but we are all with our own peculiar ghosts and it's the sharing that heals in part the thing that doesn't go away.
it's secrets that are troubling us, not revelations.