misters getting old

i got scared this morning of mister getting old. only feet away i had to yell and wave. is he losing vision and hearing? how long will he follow me? i've watched him get old. he aged so fast, and his aging makes me feel i've aged too slow, and i will miss his departure. it sounds too mellow though, it feels a lot more dire. i feel afraid of time left to me without him. no matter how long it would not be enough. there is not enough time for us. i cry for us now and in the hour of our departure. i think about the bond that holds us, strengthened by the immanence of death. disoriented in a heartbeat, looking for me, confused, he starts to run, i run to him, calling, he looks up to me, i get down and hug him, oh honey, oh god.
this is how i feel about life.