after the memorial i went back for mister. it was my social lack that made me shy away, and i'm glad i went anyway. one of her grandsons spoke and cried and i cried too, but it was a happy thing, all the people there brought karin with them and it was good to see. i learned things too. that karin was fairly deaf, and then had a breakthrough and could hear better by the time i knew her, but still mostly in her good ear. it occurred to me that deafness made her more present, she listened with her whole body, especially her blue eyes, and she radiated her presence the same way. she communicated in her physical presence. and afterward her presence was in each of us. she communicates that way still.
i was sitting behind barbara and towards the end of people talking she mentioned me, not knowing i was there, and when she said my name julia and i said, he's here, and she handed me the microphone asking if i would say a few words. i said i was phobic about speaking and that i was intending to do my own memorial, in post, but i was glad to say that in the gathering space, and to say to all i loved her. 
i thought of how all the gathered probably felt as i did, all had their own karin, and yet what was common was karin, who radiated her love through their love, all the individuals together in one vaulted room. 
i found that memorials are about the living, and about memory, and not about commemorating death, but about carrying on living memory. 
pat said she doesn't want anything, just a green burial, that memorials are too hard on people, but i felt release in the room, and it was interesting that one grandson said karin was so rooted in the world that she had trouble releasing. i felt release in the gathering. karin's release was in our continuing.
i'm glad that i did my thing before the collective thing, and then brought my thing into the collective thing, not expecting to, just glad to be there. kind of magical.
another thing i learned was that karin did all these mandala drawings when her sleep was disrupted and the images came to quell anxiety. i saw many i had not seen, and i brought one home of a dog with a crystal on his head, from 9/1/75. i also got a crystal from her collection, and photographed it on mister's head.