Saturday, September 14, 2019
apparently about 50 percent of the population, people of all genders and species, have a secure attachment style: they were raised by responsive, attuned parents who recognized their need to go out and explore as well as their need to come back and be comforted and responded in a timely, attuned way to both. according to a general theory of love, this experience of attunement- having all their needs met by attuned parents- literally shapes their limbic brains.
these folks as adults find closeness comfortable and enjoyable, they easily desire intimacy, and they know how to create a secure attachment bond in which autonomy naturally emerges and daily nurturance is the norm. this shapes the brain in material, physiological ways. this is how you build secure attachment: through daily attunement to the subtle cues of other people and lavishing love and care, while letting them come and go as needed. in this kind of connection, you know your home base is always there for you, so you feel comfortable going out into the world, taking risks, trying new or scary things, because you can return to safe arms when you need to.
securely attached people know how to comfort one another when they need each other, and so they naturally know how to create healthy autonomy and healthy intimacy, which emerge in balance as they get comfortable with each other and create trust. securely attached people are comfortable being vulnerable; they have had positive experiences of trust. there can be no joy of trust without the risk of vulnerability, letting your true self show and experiencing others catching you, mirroring you, and letting you go, when you are all there, visible, open.
turn this world inside out.
we swam with cormorants popping up and diving down around us. it was fun to think of birds swimming underneath us with their long wings. there was a couple of couples i swam toward while mister turned for shore and i got up close saying hi hi and then since i wasn't a bird they flew just over my head and i could see their muscles stretching under their feathers so clearly and mister turned again to look for me and i said thanks for looking out for me mister and he's like course, what did you spect?, and we swam back happy to the inclined platform. the sky you see was utterly clear and heavenly blue. no haters and no black phantom death helicopters. me and mister and the cormorants and gulls and fishes were the only ones swimming and we were blessed.