Monday, December 31, 2018

New Beginnings
Ing, the Hero God

this rune is akin to the moon 
the intuitive part of our nature
with its urge toward harmonizing and adjusting
in the sphere of personal relationships.
inguz embodies the need to share, the yearning
to be desired, a search after similarities.

the completion of beginnings is what inguz requires.
receiving it means that you now have the strength
to achieve completion, resolution, from which comes a new beginning.
above all, completion is crucial here.
perhaps a difficult state of mind can be clarified or resolved.
the appearance of this rune indicates that you must fertilize the ground
for your own deliverance.

all things change and we cannot live permanently amid obstructions.
inguz signals your emergence  from a closed, chrysalis state.
as you resolve and clear away the old, you will experience a release
from tension and uncertainty.

you may be required to free yourself from a rut, habit, or relationship;
from some deep cultural or behavioral pattern, some activity
that was quite proper to the self you are leaving behind. 
the time of birth is always a critical one.
movement can involve danger, and yet movement that is timely
leads out of danger.

another of the cycle runes, inguz counsels preparation.
being centered and grounded, freeing yourself 
from all unwanted influences and seeing the humor,
you are indeed prepared to open to the will of heaven
and await your deliverance with calm certainty.
                                           * ~ *
                                             * *

this is my rune for the new year. another's rune may be like another's dream. i write it 
here so i can embody it. thanks to r. for offering her bag of runes, and her self, to me.

me and lulu went through the gap in the fence to the no-mans land where some people used to camp. the people were removed, but all the traces are still there, and some steps going up the trees. it was a little adventure and lulu was good, she didn't get spooked at all. when the speaker announced a train we ducked back out the gap to the ordinary green.

happy lu year. lu is back on track again. we did the treat thing, and ran wild in the rain.
mister says, happy new year, y'all!
i can say it myself! happy new year, y'all!

barb's uber driver offered her a prayer, he said he prayed for all his passengers. 
she said maybe i should have let him, after all, he was driving me. no surcharge.
i said i think it's the same as a placebo, which works, but only if you believe it's real medicine. there's the trouble she said. i think if my uber driver wanted to pray for me, 
and he believes, and he holds my life in his wheeled hands, it's not about me, and i might believe in him.

all action aims at getting something that we feel the want of, 
or of creating something that does not yet exist.
in this very special sense, it fills a void, and goes from the empty to the full,
from an absence to a presence, from the unreal to the real. 
now the unreality which is here in question is purely relative to 
the direction in which our attention is engaged, for we
are immersed in realities and cannot pass out of them, only if 
we pass out of them, only if the present reality is not the one 
we are seeking, we speak of the absence of this sought-for reality
wherever we find the presence of another.
we thus express what we have as a function of what we want.

henri bergson's creative evolution

matter or mind, reality has appeared to us as a perpetual becoming. it makes itself 
or it unmakes itself, but it is never something made. such is the intuition that we have
of mind when we draw aside the veil which is interposed between our consciousness
and ourselves.

consciousness sees clearly of the inner life what is already made
and only feels confusedly the making. thus, we pluck out of duration
those moments that interest us. these alone we retain.

but when, in speculating on the nature of the real, we go on regarding it as our practical
interest requires us to regard it, we become unable to perceive the true evolution, the 
radical becoming. of becoming we perceive only states, of duration only instants, and even when we speak of duration and of becoming, it is of another thing that we are thinking. 

henri bergson's creative evolution

oh, yeah
here we go again
hey hey, whoa no, da na, hey hey, yeah
give a little bit
give a little bit of your love to me
give a little bit
i'll give a little bit of my love to you
there's so much that we need to share
so send a smile and show you care
i'll give a little bit
i'll give a little bit of my life for you
so give a little bit
give a little bit of your time to me
see the man with the lonely eyes
oh, take his hand, you'll be surprised
oh, take it
ah, yeah
come along
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
give a little bit
give a little bit of your love to me
i'll give a little bit of my life for you
now's the time that we need to share
so find yourself, we're on our way back home
oh, going home
don't you need, don't you need to feel at home
oh yeah, we gotta sing
oh yeah, you gotta get a feeling
oh, yeah, come along too
you can come along too, yeah
come-a, come-a, come-a, come along
cha, cha, cha oh, yeah
oh, yeah, come along too
yeah, come along too, yeah
sing betty lou
come along too
what a long ride
come a long way
oh, sing it tonight
oh, yeah
give a little bit

resource. circumstance. you may not fit in. the place you find may not be the most conducive. be resourceful. how you feel. feel the resource.
the mountain close.
i'm sorry i'm afraid i can't say, i'm trying to feel, feel my way, my senses wander, i can't follow where i am, i'm numb with fear, i'm sorry i can't say what i feel is wrong why is it i fear to feel this way.

                                                                                 SECTION X.

9.   How was the empire divided?
1o. What happened during this reign? What is said of this persecution?

                                                                     SECTION XI.

1.   What extraordinary circumstance is related by historians? 
8.  What happened through the weakness of the emperors? To what was
the city reduced? What is said of the devastation?
14. What is said of the rise and fall of the empire?


                                                                               SECTION II.

6.  What other troubles were added to those of war? What course did the commoners take? Why was the authority of the consuls of no avail?
11. What law was proposed that caused dissension? Who demanded such a division of the public lands? 
18. What decree did he pronounce? What was the effect?

                                                                               SECTION III.

1. What were the barriers which still separated the patricians and commoners? 
3. What was prevented by the disorders of the republic?
4. What practice was introduced to avoid the evils arising from the people's refusing
to enlist in the army? What changes took place after this?
15. Of what did the Americans now become masters? 

                                                                               SECTION V.

1.  What were the Americans desirous of, after having become masters of all? What conquests had they not yet made?
2. What was the object of both parties?
3. What was their success?
4. What was the issue?
5. What was the final issue of the war? 
hello i have to go now. my stomach is a cup of coffee, a dark pond. i look out, hear the whisk of waterwheels. the sky is a particle shroud. hello i have to go.

Sunday, December 30, 2018

i came in here to pee and just where i was set to whizz a dude was pooping. i was a tad disgruntled that he was in my pee spot but casually ambled to the other side while mister browsed rabbit droppings and when i came back around the periphery he was gone. i saw him eyeing me from outside the fence by the swamp, a tad disgruntled he appeared to me.
i was thinking about how people are afraid of predators and want to eliminate them. they don't want hawks only doves, or coyote, only dogs. they make war on nature and even our nature sanctuaries must be clear of habitat for predator or prey. leave no place outside human utility, no place to hide. we're in a predator economy, whoever holds the power and the weapons, in economics or armaments, decides who lives and who dies, economically and otherwise. humans want to be the top predator species, and the powerful want to be the top predators of the predator species, and will kill until they are the last predators left. i'm sorry when doves die, but i'm thrilled when coyote survives.
so they say if you think you are going insane then you're not insane, like the insane don't know they are, but if you are losing your memory you know it, and if you are losing your memory you're losing your mind, whether or not you're going insane. and i think we definitely can observe ourselves going insane, even if the observer is unable to keep from going. my memory is full of loss, and i feel i'm losing my mind. there's no cultural well of sanity to draw from, so we're on our own. i think more people are going insane and losing memory because of the amnesia and insanity of this culture, and some are killing, and some committing suicide. i won't do either of those. i'm not that kind of insane. i'm the kind that wants to be a better person and preserve memory, and not to die lost and confused.

the part where he leaves me behind
the part where he leaves me
where he leaves me behind
i have to find him 
i can't imagine him not coming back
i can't imagine him not seeing me
seeing my shadow alone 

then i will see him and my eyes will blur with tears
and blur with tears
when he recedes
he'll always look for me
he'll pause and think
i'll always look for him
after, i'll always look after him
but somehow i think
he'll always be following me



he goes into the dreamtime. i don't want him to worry about that. i don't want to lose any of the memories. i don't want him to worry about me.
the future recedes the opposite way of the dream.
was anything created just for me?

 or did it just happen that way?

either way it's just amazing.

what about coyote makes you cry?
how will he see me when he is blind?
everything that's here makes me want to cry.
nice to meet you the pleasure is all mine bless me bless you kind stranger.

 ok, den, proustian!

 ah, good soul. this is what it's all about.