yesterday i was running on the beach with mister thinking laughing why are people so scared of death when we never die, is it true we never die, i know people who are dead, but only in a sense, yet i still feel we never die, maybe it's just me.
it was a fine morning. mister ran up to a girl and she smiled and petted and said i don't think he's s'posed to do that. do what, i asked. run up to people, she said. oh, he assumes everyone's friendly like him i said mild frostily. and shut your judging hole, i said, sotto vocelly. then we stepped lightly over the ground the 3 haters trod on us last week and reached the blessed happy birders on the island who pointed out a longeared owl dozing in a pine, with a murder of crows gathering around cawing. then the long beach of ectasy and dune and back to a sparse and lightsome civilization of random familiars voicing happy new year softly and sincerely.
the effort to express things you can't speak about is no effort at all for the silent who don't feel the need to express things beyond speech and are expressive in their being of what is needed to be. the effort to express things beyond speech is like the effort to understand birds and ultimate silence.
what i can't talk about i must pass over in silence i must leave it therein silent i must be silent there i can't pass i have to make silent marks from that silent world traces so that like a scent that recalls you may find me
g. said if the pain stops it means the infection killed the nerve and is now burrowing into my bone and thence to my brain hence making me more insane. i hate dentists very much. dentists charge exorbitant prices and in the past dentists have caused me much pain and expense and actually created problems. so they are one problem in the back of the mouth of my problem. the other problem is one tooth is all teeth and i fear everything is disintegrating in me as in society. and how can a dude like me trying to live simply and off the evil grid afford such gridwork? these are just thoughts and not solutions. for the moment i am blessedly painfree and have had no motrin since 8am yestiday. i know i am insane. they say if you know you are insane then you are not, and emily says much madness is divinest sense, but i know i am truly insane and with addled sense at best. you can skip this part it's boring.