Saturday, September 30, 2023
i got sad and sullen in the old apartment. i felt the weight of the void i was trying to fill, through the years, there in that space. i was doing good, tending to one task after another, and it was getting lighter, but now the records, so heavy—and i never played a single one! they were so good, unheard. oh, silent weight. everything matters, everything has a specific weight that adds up and can crush you. i know what i want to do now, and i have to keep my spirit (and body!) in shape, to lighten the weight, to let the void be void, and not try to fill it. and i know it's not just physical stuff, it's mind stuff. it's light the soul wants, not stuff.
i'm also obsessed with outdoor living, which is related to developments like the obamachron. i hope this fellow can make his domicile warm enough for winter. i saw him with his long beard and folding wagon today heading north and then south but by the time i passed by he was inside. one day i would like to greet him. it's fascinating and alarming to compare the life of someone living in a space like this with someone like obama who has palaces around the country and in the former public park.
you may wonder if and if so why i'm obsessed with the obamachron. first, because the monster is across the street. second because it's an evil land grab of a public park by a guy who pretended to be a community activist and civil rights leader and turned out to be just another self-serving servant of empire. third because evil is compelling and local evil tends to be a microcosm of the macrocosm thereby providing a lens to observe the evil that is pandemic in the human system of extractive economy and war. fourth, i believe i can extract some aesthetic benefit from the grim ruin under construction down below.
it is evil to build a mega-development in a stolen public park because you can, because you are the oligarch and can build anywhere you damn well please. you may own many fabulous estates, and even own an erroneous peace prize, but you are a misleader and a deceiver and you do evil for profit in the forsaken world.
Friday, September 29, 2023
we watched savior complex about a white missionary in uganda who acted like a doctor but never studied medicine and didn't even know the right words. she was just winging it and kids died. god it's sad what the colonialists and missionaries do to africa. afterward we heard the coyote family yipping wildly when an ambulance went by.
this new dog ma came with this little fluffy and she was so nervous. she said to the kids dogs can get nervous and do something and the kids said like bite? maybe. then she grabs the dog and says lets go these dogs are two big and split. she's gone give that dog little dog syndrome and the dog was totally cool with the kids and the dogs. the dog ma has no instinct. puff.
Thursday, September 28, 2023
have you seen the ukrainian movie—the tribe? it's over two hours all in sign language and no translation. the tribe is all thugs mugging and beating and whoring. i couldn't make sense of anything—like the country, like the war. something strange and terrifying happening there. makes the oligarch in the park seem like a footnote.
i was thinking how dogs like the left lane, and some people get annoyed. one guy said dogs are supposed to walk on the right, it's the law. he may have been joking but you never know with people. i laughed anyway. but on the streets, dog, anything goes, it's chaos, they drive down the middle of the street, without stopping!
me and skunk and monkey were paused at the front desk for treats and this fellow came past with his bike and i said i like your t-shirt and he said oh i almost forgot i was wearing it and then a lady said yeah that's what neville chamberlain said and when hitler came. oh, you can't argue with that logic, you'll never win. there will always be the next "just war". then the fellow joined us on the elevator and monkey barked and i said he's just barking in solidarity. we're on the elevator of peace, not the escalator of war.