i wonder if the way he looks at me has changed. when i step down the alley to look at a wooden doll wagon on a trash can he stays and stares after me even when i call him. maybe he doesn't like this alley. he tilts his head curiously. he has always looked with love, but there seems to be a new poignancy in his expression. i know it's me reading him through my feelings, love and worry, anticipation of what we can't control. then what is he thinking, is he changing along with me? what is happening in the space between us. am i held back from inhabiting that space by my human thoughts, is he in that space waiting for me, to let go, to fully enter the momentous space between? i've always felt or sensed a reality beyond my mental capacity, and my conditioned perception. where he is, with me, just beyond where i can continually be. and his tilted ask is, where are you now? are you here with me?