heavy heart. grief is a continuum. we turn away at our own peril. we detach. we are sorely attached. we die a little each day. we cannot turn away. grief is everywhere.

mister woke from the anaesthetic with three teeth pulled and several lumps extracted, staples holding him together, a blow-up ring around his neck. we don't know what is required, what is needed, we know what they tell us, and what we can learn. we are tired, it is hard to keep learning, after all we've been through. we want to say enough, but it never seems to be enough. we are stuck and everything is escalating. my friend saw mister and said the new clinic is pushing more procedures, they offer a wide range of procedures, that must be employed. there is overhead. the systems predicated on sickness, not health. i want to think they will do what is needed, what my dog, who is not my dog, needs. because i'm not in control, i have no choice.

the way i feel about the violence of the regime we live in is the same. it's not the same in scale, yet it is on the same continuum. it's the continuum of money, of resources, profit, and loss. life is not simply divided and conquered, it's still life. i love, i'm attached; i'm not in control. forces in control are antithetical to life, yet they can't control life, they can only destroy. heavy heart. we know what is going on. we lost control. what we thought we had we lost.

how we love and lighten our heavy heart, now.