got angry about another hater who attacked through the air not even speaking just sending poison rays. talked about it at length angrily. made myself angrier and r. angry too. felt the past attacking too, dad, people saying i'm too negative, my feelings too bad, out of order, wrong, wrong feelings, unproductive. i say i need to process the toxins in the environment, these environmental hazards unavoidable, the haters i would ignore in love. i want to deal effectively, feel wrong, let them get to me, feed their sick hateful need, when i simply want to repel them with love, not love them, simply protect myself with my love, to practice my love, to get better, knowing they are linked, they are global. but so are we. 
thank you to r. for staying with me in this. this love.