i think about what i could a did. if i wasn't so skinny and inward in school. what i could be
doing now, you know in the world- but who'd a ever thought the world would be like this?
be it as it may the way it must be the way i am i think in my head not like in my heart i suppose what i could have been in the world as i saw it and i don't see it anymore that was i feel reduced.
oh well. be it as it may be. i don't think anything applies to this. we're in a time of unprecedented evil, not because evil is news, but because the world is reduced. 

i think it may be garbled, i mean like i felt reduced then, as a kid, by standardized teaching tools that contained and controlled the class and diminished the individual. i was bored to daydreaming and punished. i felt coerced and unseen alike. i stopped reciting the anthem by rote. i said my little kid fuck you to the system of reductive control. i said it again later and later still to the end of my academic sentence. i still feel reduced. as a human in a human world that reduces nature and animals, and human nature. the world is reduced by humans and i'm a human reduced. but i'm reduced and reducing myself on the grid, i'm going through the cracks. i'll be more humanimal and less human maybe, i'll be a human animal in line of extinction. ok it's just garbled. it has to be garbled for now is so impacted, now is so overwrought, so fraught with fear and war and hate. the human system i resist.