the feeling of selfishness and stinginess encroaches on self care. it weighs on my heart and my chest feels empty. my heart is a weight and a pump of emptiness in my center. 
opting out of the family tradition i maintain is not an act of severance. opting for self care is not opting out of family. it's opting out of tradition for self care. this can't be explained, for opting out is outside and outside can't explain what's inside. need we explain? or simply take care?

in the orange cat penny's apartment wilderness the cactus blossom was broken. but then i look and notice it is bent not broken, and i rest it so the bend is smoothed and perhaps with luck will mend and bloom. 

all is not ever lost we remind ourselves as we are reminded by others we love and let be. 

imagine yourself a circle with arms extending outward and eyes that travel all directions. imagine your heart pumping life, for everyone—for the entire family.