so i went to that rock shop, i got this crystal and r. didn't want it, she thought i was feeling obligated, and also not registering her wish for a different size and kind of stone. and i think i knew that so why did i try to give it to her. you wonder about unconscious motivations. i knew from holding it it fit my hand. well it seems a wedge is always coming between us. and this time it was a crystal wedge, which should connect. why do i think of a wedge? if i could just allow myself the crystal... r. was content with the crystals we got from suzanna. hmm, part of this may be i tried to communicate to suzanna and she didn't respond. i do communicate indirectly because i get entangled directly, but often the blog blurts stuff out and might only complicate. ah well, i'll read some more metahuman. can i just be a bumbler with grace? no, this isn't right. it's a garbled story. is my intent right? then will the story follow? but all the digressions, the attempts at understanding. if we were pure consciousness what would we see, what would be happening.