tense, tentative, i want to flow, but how. deepak says in meta reality it's all flow. i want to be there. i'm stuck in ego. oh, dog, i want to flow. i read about stone soup. i remember the notion that putting a stone in your mouth when you're hungry gives the feeling of fullness. 
but i didn't remember the story, where a stranger comes to a village and they say they have no food and he puts a stone in a pot and then gradually they all add bits and make a big soup. so it's about the feeling of scarcity and holding back, of hoarding in times of deprivation. i feel the holding back, but there's plenty of food. it applies to other things, like love. i want the love to flow but i get stuck, i fold, i hold back. the metahuman would be flow. i've felt it, but i haven't been of it, maybe. he starts the book metahuman saying if you feel and observe yourself feeling that's metahuman. i have, but only coincidentally or circumstantially. i can't repeat the conditions. i think of out of body experiences, when i felt myself leave my body, not dead, my body composed in rest, and my spirit flowing up like a cloud, invisibly connected to my body. i want that feeling in my body, that out of body feeling, that metahuman feeling. i can't will it, i need to be it. all i can do is keep showing up, i don't know how to do it. not in isolation. my mode has been drawing in, ruminating, pictures, words, pictures stop flow in a way, like windows, the facets of quartz crystals are called windows, the seventh facet is the window. the quartz grew over millenia, it flowed into form, and it still flows, it's solid flow, window that channels light. could the metahuman be like that? could i?