it's painful but i'm glad though i don't feel native to this miscreated place. it would be more painful to feel native to the place of impossibility. less possible. more pain. feeling mortal. nature mortal. need direct experience, better pained than apathetic. everything is mediated. but pain gets through the pain portal. and by this place i find my dissenting body, by this place i mean the building world, my dissenting body in the precarious building world.