well, i feel like a dunderhead, fighting over a rock that's supposed to be a helping stone. it must all be part of the process, even digressions are. i will admit there is so much i don't understand about self and world and relationship. there must be trouble apparently and i just hope in the end waits love peace and understanding. i gotta start by forgiving myself, and then letting my kid have what the kid always needed. i have a lot of regard for good parenting. it's a tough thing to learn. i love mom for what she did under the circumstances. i can't imagine having to raise three kids on your own while going back to school and then teaching full time. we generally say so and so did her best, and then privately, she could have done a lot better, but when it comes to doing it on our own we might need to call on whatever empathy we can summon from whomever and wherever empathy might spring.