the cold got in my head the other night when we walked and stumbled across from the lab school with nothing on my head. i seem to be chronic in acting without sense in these things like a kid invulnerable. my personal akrasia. i make my circumstance to a strong degree and then i got to work with what i got. i make myself sick to adjust internally to a sick environment- the planet sickness- or, perversely, to ward it off. when i was a kid i made myself sick to avoid school. i can't avoid school now i'm not in school i suppose i can't avoid the school of life i can only either make myself fit or unfit. i'm not fit for this world in a sense but i am fit for life. i have to be fit for my own life though the planet's sick. i wake after 2am to tell myself this and you.