this morning we went swimming. the waves were rolling and i swam backwards facing him, watching his head sink and rise, watching him turn toward shore, and turning to follow him watching where he goes, and he goes to a place i have to help him out of, and he turns south and he swims out east to look for me, though he can't see to find me, so he's swimming to be seen and found and i swim and whistle and wave until he sees me and i feel like crying and i wonder when was the last time i cried while swimming and i think surely these would be tears that join with everything.