you work with what you got. don't try to make yourself what you think you want to be. whatever you are will be abandoned that way. like with dogs, you don't make them, they come to you as they are, and you help them be their true self. be the same with your self. let your self be the true dog of your distinct and worthy nature. sure, we came up in a sick society, some shit happened when you were just a scared kid, and more shit happened growing up along the way, til we made the whole planet an anxious precarious place, with no sanctuary and nowhere to migrate to. we got to be here now. that's the best reason of all to be our best dogs and true.