the rustling of the tall grass is the call of the wild for lulu. she lays down and wriggles and suddenly bursts up and runs wild circles around me. after that awful time when she ran months ago my heart thumps, but my instinct is to hold center and i get down in the grass and pop my head up like her and i watch her run run run. every once of her wants to run. she's in heaven and i feel her great joy. 

and then lulu comes back to me. i didn't know, or maybe i did, and didn't. r. was telling me her birthday rune and in it was the notion of breakthrough, transformation, and radical trust. i'm sorry my head went back to the walk with lulu and left r. then had trouble getting back to her rune, and i felt my old shame. but when i heard the phrase radical trust i realized that was what just happened, it wasn't planned, but immediately it was an experiment in radical trust, because it was happening, i had to trust lulu, i had to trust myself. it worked, she came back to me, her tongue hanging out and her black eyes gleaming. if i'd thought it i wouldn't do it. i guess that's instinct. radical trust. gratitude to lulu, and r. sorry i veered away.