often i email sarah stuff i want to talk about in here and i realize i can and i transfer some line of thought and she sometimes transfers a line of thought into her only diary. this is our only contact virtually but it's vital.

  

i guess i wanted to talk about talk therapy. i vacillate there, as i do in life, right. i go to despair but i keep trying. what's the alternative, right. i make a new appointment with laurianne, can i say her name, it's just the first, right. i went there once and after getting angsty with paperwork it flowed. then i got hot and heat angsty but by then time was up and it went zip. that may just be preliminary gush. i made another appointment. i'm still at my old studio. i made r. my nemesis. it happened again. and i have to reckon with the nemesis in me.

 

sarah said you liked her, right, laurieanne? hmm, yes i guess i did, i felt her care, and i talked pretty free. but i wrote back,

 

it's so hard to tell, especially after one session, but i hope this next session gives me some relief and clarity. i have to figure out how to live from this point. do i have to be alone? can i make a peaceful alliance? can i make peace within me.

i'm going to blog about it a little. 

why do i have to go down to the depths before i start coming up for air.