k. said arthritus can be healed, that it's just a deficiency. i told k. i used to feel i could never be healed in this body, that i, myself was the sickness, that i would have to start again, and knowing i could not start again i would just have to end. but i don't feel that now. my sickness has been eroding with health and i think i am healing myself slowly of the desperate cynicism of our culture. and that it is the sickness, and that health is possible with resistance to the sickness, and care for the body. the cynic never really sounded like me. it was just the culture using my voice, speaking through me, talking to itself.