fen met me at the door. i don't know if he anticipated me or just coincided with me, as he had been pacing since 7am. he ran into the kitchen and looked at the food place and i put the food there and he ate it up. j. says the steroids are making him hungry. he didn't eat his breakfast, but he ate it for lunch. last week he was better, clearer head and eyes, and orientation. today i had to guide him some, and i carried him some, but i think that was more for my sake. i wanted to hold the boy. you know, i want to hold onto him. i don't want him to go. they say you got to tell them it's ok to go. i say you got to tell them you love them so much you want them to stay forever and you will carry them to the end of time with such love and appreciation you can't imagine the world without them. and then, it's ok, you may go, if go you must, but i'll never let you go.