i don't know what's wrong. i've been all balled up inside. 

reading the radiant lives of animals about soul sickness in the separation from nature. i've had small traumas in my life but that seems to sum up the essential feeling of lostness and dislocation. there's a reason i'm here and not in a more natural place though i suppose. i used to think i just drifted place to place and stopped here. it's all coincidence and it's all mysterious, you know? i don't know what my purpose is but in a rootless life it's something to do with roots and trees, being witness for the lost witness trees, and dreaming of restoration. we lose our trees witness trees, we lose our wits. 

i'm fasting so far today. the ball inside is calmer and small.