Thursday, February 14, 2019

what stuns me is the anger. it comes so sudden, right beneath the surface, under thin skin, yet of the profound depths, like almost beyond the individual, interpersonal, so monumental, like a stricken tower that explodes instantly like lightning, that stays, burned in mind, a structure, retinal, well that doesn't get it, i fear it, i don't get it, fear i never will. well of fear, towering. can there be a towering well? a towering underground? the anger, real personal, comes from everything beyond us, beyond our, anyone's, control, beyond nature, our lost nature still ours, dislocated, beyond our wasted exhausted freedom, this rage what rage at being trapped in the world predicate of killers. world of threat, world of annihilation. more than this, that we don't succeed in making our own way our own world in such a world this acute failing and continuing.
is that too much? what am i really trying to say? is there something as the shrinks say, that takes me far away from the thing that's really troubling me? i don't know, maybe it's both too vast and too elemental, too intimate, too deep, and all the world's surface. anyway i know you can feel lost and you can try and escape, but you won't get very far, at least from where you are. but that's just me talking. not talking, typing, two-fingered. the sound of my trying in my own ears, in my own head, haunts me.

No comments:

Post a Comment