note: research the optimal dosage of turmeric/curcumin for dogs. mister went in for another laser treatment and was given hydrotherapy instead then laser. idle know if it's just techno-snake oil or what. i know for sure the turmeric has worked but he needs more, or something. however today we swam, he for a minute and me for many while he followed me on shore. even that little gave him spirit and energy and now he's running up and down the hall past the cat. 
i feel worlds better though i am afraid of falling apart and winter and think of the fading life around and when other animals migrate or die or go underground i have to go on stiff fingered and addled mind in all traffic and weather.
i think, was k. not afraid? he wrote much on fear, and the messages are still filtering in, was he perceiving the timeghost of then that was prescient for today because it always is about humans and what they do and the fear they create and live with? 
each year i feel older. yet i will never retire or settle in the desert like a smart person. i am dumbstruck in life. i chose yet i did not choose. i am the dread i inhabit, the ambivalent animal.