all day dread and life fear. tension in my head and toothache now. my life's a mess i can't escape. the pain just brings it all to the fore. i'm exhausted and winter has just begun. it's real, i can't push it away, i felt like the world was treacherous, and we were slogging through evil air, thickening evil, the killing cold and the hateful government. i have to treat the pain, remove the tooth, and seek the thing that sustains. it's love, but in this moment the pain presides. 

i woke thinking painlessly after ben adryl and ibu profyn eased me off to the land of nod. i thought maybe i'll spirit that sad post away too, but most of it save the immediate pain is true. the existential quandary is still. but other things pertain, like a new love that was behind the screen of angst and pain.
at one point my bootlace wound around my bicycle hub and was getting shorter as i pedaled down the left lane of the fast boulevard and i thought i would be crushed by angry cars. but i made it to the other side and i didn't fall all day. actually in retrospect it was another hard miracle day i am grateful to have lived to wake up from. 
watched heart of a dog by laurie anderson and she still has that off-putting delivery, that actor thing that distances, but the matter was profound. so it's still about the dog, the blog, the heart is still a dog.