it feels like everything is breaking down. so much is broken down we can't talk about it. people are being killed in horrible ways by terror states. it's unspeakable. olive broke r.'s candlestick, and it's my fault, she's just a cat, and i should have prevented it, and i can't speak about it. i just want to sleep and wake up fresh, in a just place. i try to be conscious, but it seems i'm caught in a dark trance.