i was talking to maw yesterday and she told me about her boyfriends before dad and then meeting dad and she said that was a dreadful mistake and i didn't say and i kind of agreed but we wouldn't even be talking now and i wouldn't even exist so that's a way of looking at the time anxiety like hey what if i didn't even exist which brings me back to it's a wonderful life, and then i think of the song it's a wonderful life by sparklehorse and i want to hear it and that means i can at the touch of a finger because i exist though the fellow who wrote the song already died.