i feel better seeing him. i don't feel fear or worry. i feel sorrow but it's a sweet sorrow. i tell him i'm lucky i've had the time with you. the spirit goes on and on. since we know now it feels like the suspense of unknowing has been released. now is the time for hugs and kisses and love. it's comet time.

 hello sweet callie. 

 welcome home falulu.

 lucky falulu.

 in this culture of cancer agents and war makers, i want to think of life, even as in how to die well.

 i'm going back to be with him today and the following days. i hope he's not afraid. he's not eating much and threw up a dark green ball. he's been browsing greens a lot, trying to purge the cancer i guess. mary says he's afraid. his body changed so much. i thought he looked much older after a pandemic year. i think the cancer may have started a while ago. when they went into lockdown and i stopped walking him he was still jumping and dancing on air, at least as i recall. i'm going to look at the last pictures before the pandemic. 

mary said she thought all through the year that i'd be coming back, and now hilde's gone, and soon comet. she said but i'll be back for the puppy. she wanted the puppy to know comet and learn from him, like comet learned from hilde. i said how i think comet is in us and we'll pass him on. it's not the same i know, but hilde was the only dog for years. 

i want to see pictures of him flying again, but i start crying seeing them in my mind.

mary wants to take him to the winter garden one more time. 

i remember wishing i could walk with mister one more time. we always want one more time, and i suppose we'll always be left wanting more.

 now we know what we knew. comet has bone cancer. he would be 8 in 2 weeks. oh my sweet honey boy.

 walking home today i felt that old thrill i had with mister, in the groove with lulu. 

 funny how we go from watching hurricane ida to watching america bomb afghanistan to watching the u.s. open and walking lulu. oh yeah, lulu's back in town.

this is post # 30,003.

   

 it's a forkin' crazyass time. everything's for sale, the very ground beneath your feet, and if you're rich enough, you can take it for free. we've given up the land to the neoliberals, we have black white supremacist politicians, and endless wars to end all democracy and nature too, and each depraved precedent has his moment to ape gee dubya huckstering for the terror state, and now lou grant is dead.

 is there a flow to this? looking back it might seem there was a flow from there to here. but did this flow like a river or a stream, i suppose perhaps no. maybe a swamp is closer, almost underground, between mud, water and reeds, but it moves somehow, and birds come, and by the swamp you may slow down and come to feel how you feel. 

 no more disturbed by dogs or dugs. this is not nature as it would be, this is a nature sanctuary. this will no longer be our nature sanctuary, this will be a private island across from a brightly lighted white tower beacon for those who are wanted by o, b.

hm, that was rather awkwardly said. o well so it be.

once this park is taken we won't get the land back. we will lose more land.

         i'm learning (slowly) to slow down. i don't wanna be a reactivist. i want to be alive and respond to the environment and love nature and do no harm. i want say hi and hope you are having a good day.

 

mourning dove looking down on trust obama speed hump ahead sign saturday.

 it's been months now since comet tore his ligament. they scheduled a surgery for a month after he first went to the vet and when the day came they said there was something wrong with the bone and they did a biopsy. they said 5-7 days. on the 6th day they said the results were in but the doctor would have to read them because they were unclear or something. the doctor didn't call. on the 7th day they said the results were not in. on the 9th day they said they made a mistake, the results would be in 7-10 days.

boring, right? excruciating. we may know monday, or maybe not. meanwhile he waits, and his leg atrophies, and why did they not do the biopsy a month and a half ago when he was first seen. we don't know anything and we're at the experts mercy.

remounited.

 r. and i saw a great dogumentary on mubi, buddy, about service dogs. i want to pass it around but last time i sent a free mubi it didn't work. well it's real fucking hot. how hot is it? so hot i canceled therapy, though truth is i was looking for a good reason. i bet obama never gets hot or cold for more than a minute probs less. i bet he never had a minute of therapy but he sure could use years. 

i hear the cashless economy is coming. will there be revolution too soon?

i have a silent conversation with my aqua ghost. a fish flips above the surface a few feet away. meanwhile subsequently vehicles crash on the obamaland detour curve.

BIDEN-TIME IS TOAST.

YEAH, WITH BUTTA.

w.t.o.

 

(welcome to obamaland). i set out dogless for obamaland to see the security gates he placed on the bridges to the nature sanctuary. for now the trysting will still take place from dawn to dusk with the birdwatchers. i remember when they poisoned the lagoons' invasive species and it smelled of death all around, i saw several no dogs allowed signs revealed in the muddy bottom. the invasive species came back. i saw loise mcurry coming and i ignored her as she kept saying Hi! How are you! til she trundled off. i talked to a security guard who usually does the graveyard shift sitting in the shade of a big tree that will be removed soon smoking a cigar. he didn't know there was a nature sanctuary or a bird migration route. we talked about the changes in the neighborhood and the thousands of jobs for the promised people. i said the people who are getting displaced? we agreed the folks across from the compound would be goners. he said there was a shooting on the corner by the we trust obama speed hump ahead sign. i saw a mourning dove looking at the sign, i swear to dog.

 what they're calling defeat is the continuing conquest of extraordinary grift. 

 now they put barricades on the nature sanctuary. welcome to obamaland, on the south side of chicago, at the end of the common world. 

 jackson park is now obamaland. there will be gates and cameras and police. there will be no dog walking, or trysting. this park belongs to obama now. and there will be trouble in obamaland.

i got sad for comet today. he was pulling for somewhere we can't go, looking across and away. oh he wanted to run. then he would stand and stare in frustration, protest, confusion. maybe that's just me talking. i can imagine now all sentient beings wanting to flee our afflicted state. 

still no news from the doctor. the coach house is an air-conditioned purgatory.

 two ways of looking at this may be the same. all is as it should be and all things must ripen in corruption.

 the park district scandals are multiplying. the predatory speculators want to profit off the parks. now obama's got his prime piece worth billions for 10 bucks. a frenzy of corruption and erosion of the commons will follow his mislead. his legacy will be a scandal and a betrayal of the the parks and the people.

 lulu's still on vacation. she probably hasn't thought of me once. she'll remember me when she sees me. we didn't go anywhere. i just went to the cold coach house to wait with comet and read the luminous novel and a couple others. i didn't go swimming. now it's school season. i was always freaked by school even without the chronic pandemic. i'm glad to say i'll never go back to school. 

 the diary may stop but it won't end. 

 i knew it was dog day yet doggone it i almost forgot anyway it's still dog day i guess that's why i got up at 2 o'clock to say happy dog day comet.

 everything's for sale and no one's free. it's an all out assault on democracy. 

 i wrote a note to the attorney for protect our parks 

calling future saplings mitigation for clear-cutting established trees and making an ecosystem a construction zone is patently absurd. after the buildings and roads are built and the saplings are planted it will be years before bird habitat is established again, and meanwhile the illuminated tower will be a bird-killing beacon. many migrations will be disrupted, and bird populations that are currently crashing (i think the last i heard a 35% decline) will crash harder and faster, and some species will go extinct. and how is this debacle already changing the demographics of the south side? due to the obama effect not only birds and trees are brushed aside, but people. 

he wrote 

It gets worse 

anyway we're still here and here we'll stay. we want to watch and see what happens with this ex-precedential conning tower. like winona says, stay put and take care.