hilde has stopped eating and she paces all night. her kidneys have stopped working. she had a seizure last week. i haven't been walking her since the pandemic began, but we were together for years and she's in my mind. there's nothing to do to get ready, just be ready when it's time. when it came time for mister, up to the last minutes i was not ready, and then he was saying he was ready, and he wanted to know we would be ok, then i was ready. all the love that goes with dogs doesn't go away, it just goes on. what can we say about dying? it goes on like before someone existed, yet they were so here.

i read something about how before we're born we're not here, and it's impossible to imagine. where were we? so we think about not being anymore, and it's impossible to imagine. what is non-being?

that's what makes me think, we can't quite get our heads around it, but we can think about the before and after and during as the soul's journey. 

we get caught in the mortal riddle, but maybe in the spirit world everyone is there and everything is possible.

i think i could be there when she goes. i know it makes a difference to be surrounded with the ones you love and who love you.