oh god. r's reading me last night's posts, all the way up to 3am. god mister. well that was me. it's all true, a wee bit melodramatic, but true, and thank god i only had one walk today and it was with you, mister and r and i feel so good your skin is relieved and maybe my feet will be healed. reading those dark night posts dear pat offered to help. i tend to forget people care, and are reading the blog. i think it's due to feeling alone in the world in a fundamental sense, and it's a relief to know i'm not. in a sense i am, but in an equally profound sense, to my great relief, i'm not. i want to believe i'll heal, but i've been dashed before, just hope, and i don't want hope, i want it real. may this time and patience make it real.