i want to know how lulu sees the world. she's silly and down to earth, yet she's a wild, spooky girl. i sometimes wish i could just be a dog, an older, respected dog, and teach the younger dogs like a seasoned elder would. i'm another species, and i know they know i don't think or see the world quite like they do. partly i need to photograph them to study observe them at a calm time after, like this. r. says, yeah, you just wanna take pictures.
i never liked being trained myself. i loved a smart teacher, but the smart ones were more about the relationship than the curriculum. some were surely dumb. i rebelled against the ones who did it by the book and didn't relate to kids really, kids were just vessels to fill and pass.
i want to learn now. i've been a good dissident by my lights, and now i want to learn and teach, like the teachers i loved. i want to know things that can help me know the dog, and i want the dog to teach me what the dog knows as teach them what i know, what r., and kiki can instill in me. this is a relationship, but it's not like school, it's between species. this is some kind of alchemy of species. i know love isn't enough, but i need to love to learn and teach. i was a lazy student, i was mostly bored. who wants to be a vessel filled with shit about columbus. i hope i don't bore the dogs. i hope they trust me too. i'm wild and spooky too, but i want to be down to earth.