most of us are incapable of looking at ourselves as we are in relationship,
because we immediately begin to condemn or justify what we see.
we judge, we evaluate, we compare, we deny or accept, but we never observe
actually 'what is', and for most people this seems to be the most difficult thing to do,
yet this alone is the beginning of self-knowledge.

krishnamurti, collected works, vol IX, p.137